If I ever write a book......

If I ever write a book I would probably put this story in it, yes it is true. I have changed ppl.'s names for anonimity. UNFORTUNATLY THESE PPL. ARE MY FAMILY MEMBERS SO DON'T JUDGE lol


Colene was the type of woman who loved a good cocktail, the comany of a handsome man even if he was not her husband, and she had a reputation for being divoid of sanity. Her husband Arnold was knick named the light swithc man, because he went to work as the sun was coming up and he came home as it was going down thus he turned the lights on and off for the day. Arnold was the owner fo the local ambulance business, as well as the embalmer for the local funeral home. Colene and the funeral homeowner's wife, Vera, were famous for having a few cocktails at the funeral home afer hours and doing their nails whle their husband worked on brigning the last bit of dignity to the town's deceased. I can just picture them there in brown wicker chairs, in solid colored polyester dresses, with their hair pulled up in chingons and immaculate makeup, doing their nails and drinking mimosas  modern sophistocated 1950's women. Who loved their husbands, as long as they coulnd't find anyone else to love on. Arond dinner time, since it was obvious Vera and Colene would not be making dinner as was gnerally the case, Arnold and Jerry, the funeral home owner, decided to go over to the local cafe, the type of place where you could not see threw the smoke fog and there was always a red ring of grease on your plate, for dinner. Before the left though they had done something to the deceased man they were working on. They had cut off his member! Evidenlty when a man passes away and his member is erect it is very difficult to get it to go down, and since you don't want his loved one's to see his last stand as it were, or the widow to get any ideas, the general procedure is to cut it off, lay it down flat, and re-attach it. Well Arnold, and Jerry had gotten to the cutting off part, just not the re-attachement. After the men left, Colene and Vera having had one to many cocktails made their way into the embalming room, a whilte tiled room with various tubes around the walls to aid in extracting bodily fluid, and found the member of the deceased man. They also found a mattress spring, one of the old one's that had a lot of bounce to it. They decided that it would be hilarious to stick the member on the spring, so they did. What they did next is, a little disturbing. After the member was properly attached to the spring, the coiled the spring, so that when it wa released it would bounce up and down, much like the springs on Jerry's bed when he was having relations with his melato mistress whileVera was getting her hair done on Saturdays. They put the coiled spring on the white tiled floor and released it, of course the spring bounced with the attached member, bouncing up and down kind of like how a jack in the box springs and then boucnes at you. While it was bouncing on the floor Vera and Colene thrusts their pelvic areas at the member and said "here tis' here tis'" luckily they were fully clothed but sadly this was not an era where women wore slacks. Needless to say Arnold and Jerry came back from dinner, and found the girls giggling hysterically.